Feeling Not Enough, When Success feels a Lie

Have you ever wondered to yourself or even questioned yourself,” Am I deserving? How have I gotten here? All these people are so much more than I am?” Despite all our hard work and past achievements, do you end up questioning yourself if one day someone will find out you are not as competent as they think? Well, the answer is you are not alone and you are definitely not a fraud. What you are experiencing is the Imposter Syndrome.

So, what is Imposter Syndrome?

The term itself was coined in 1970s and simply refers to “feeling phony” despite your accomplishments. It is the persistent nagging feeling that you don’t deserve your success. Ironically, it shows up in high achievers the most.

The common “symptoms” of this syndrome can manifest as:

  • a) Dismissing success for luck or timing
  • b) Constant self-comparison or criticism
  • c) Over preparation
  • d) Dodging or having difficulty accepting compliments
  • e) Fear of being “found out

Why does this feeling crop up?

  • a) It does not always come from a lack of skill, but can be triggered by a combination of internal and external environments, such as:
  • b) Nurturing or upbringing: Constant criticism or praise in the growing up years.
  • c) Perfectionism: Anything less than 100 percent is unacceptable
  • d) Workplace or Home environment: Competitive and ambitious cultures trigger the feeling of self-unworthiness
  • e) Lack of representation: Being the only one in a space or identity group, can be a harbinger of this suffocation.

At What Cost?

Nothing comes without a cost and if imposter syndrome is left unchecked it leads to:

  • a) Anxiety, depression
  • b) Low self esteem
  • c) Burn out from overcompensating
  • d) Missed opportunities because of self-doubts
  • e) Job dissatisfaction
  • f) Self-denigrating talk

Imposter syndrome impacts the way one feels and affects how they show up in life.

Ways to shift the narrative.

Everything takes time and it takes a while to understand the duality of living this syndrome. In order to live freely, one has to let go of the voice that is making one feel untrue. Some ways that can help are:

  • 1. Keep a “confidence journal” to keep a track of wins or achievements that you can look back every now and then, whenever in self- doubt.
  • 2. Talk about it with a mentor, reliable friend or relative.
  • 3. Redefine success. Success can be surreal and not overwhelming.
  • 4. Get support from a coach, therapist or peer group. You need not be alone.

And last but not least, to err is human. Nobody is perfect and you don’t need to be a hundred percent confident all the time. The heart of the matter is that it is important to cherish oneself- the success, the failures and everything in between. You just need to keep showing up with no strings attached.